Lent 2009: Day 42 (Holy Week Tuesday)

Lenten Journey through the Spiritual Alphabet
Psalm 119, Sustainable Love (Holy Week Tuesday)

Shin (part 2)
Lovers of your teaching have much peace;
for them there is no stumbling block.
I look for your salvation, LORD,
and I fulfill your commands.
I observe your decrees;
I love them very much.
I observe your precepts and decrees;
all my ways are before you.
*****
He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of John, do you love me?" Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, "Do you love me?" and he said to him, "Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you." (Jesus) said to him, "Feed my sheep.
Excerpt John 21
***
On a very human level, this has been another crummy Lent for me
I have missed every special event at church.
I have wanted to be there with my friends, singing and having Mass
and Lenten suppers listening and learning from the various
speakers or mission programs, enriching my spiritual life with the brothers and sisters in my church community.

Instead I have needed to take care of my husband prior to and during and after his hospitalization which included two surgeries - one planned for, one not.
He would tell me “go ahead and go” but I couldn’t do that, he is a sheep too.

Now tonight I am missing the Chrism Mass with the bishop and all the diocese priests because I have a flat-out nasty miserable cold.

On a spiritual level, I suppose I am blessed with this sort of Lent. No matter what discipline for Fasting, prayer and almsgiving I choose. I can always count on the Holy Spirit to drive me into my own personal desert to meet the devil on terms I need to meet it on.

As miserable as I have been these last few weeks, and as miserable I am even now, I feel the space/the emptiness created by them misery. Now there is more space in me for the angels to come to me, more room for them to breathe beside me and with me, more space for them to do ministry to me. (I have had some wonderful blessings I will tell about later).

And the saints… I have gone back to some of my old friends and met some new ones. Theresa of the Little Way for example, I have not read much about her other than what is commonly known. I didn’t know she had a strong desire to be a priest, and great frustration because she couldn’t.

Through this blog exercise, I have learned to use the Holy scriptures, trying to look past the individual sentences or phrases into a deeper meaning for me and how the Holy Word is a reflection of my daily life and spiritual growth, and..how I am a reflection of It.

All this, not because I have the need to be autonomous and on my own, I don’t. I don’t want to be on my own.

I need people very much and have no problem asking for help,
(but sometimes with people “askin’ ain’t gettin’” to quote Pork from Gone with the Wind)

I need teachers and shepherds and friends and family though I can’t always choose where I am and what I am doing nor with whom. God chooses that for me.

I am feeling more and more how the gift of Jesus and his Spirit truly allow us to have real experiences of our Creator inside of us – particularly in pain – a slowness, an unhurriedness...a peace. I recognise it most when I notice myself "losing it" if that makes sense.

Ultimately,
my life – this one and all of its potential iterations -
is, first and last, all about me and God, and how
“we am” together,
I think that is the same for all of us..

Dear Heavenly Father,
please heal my runny nose,
and then lets talk some more about those sheep.
Amen
K

Lent 2009: Day 41

Lenten Journey through the Spiritual Alphabet
Psalm 119, Sustainable Love (Holy Week Monday)

Shin (part 1)

Princes persecute me without reason,
but my heart reveres only your word.
I rejoice at your promise,
as one who has found rich spoil.
Falsehood I hate and abhor;
your teaching I love.
Seven times a day I praise you
because your edicts are just.

***
When it was already dawn, Jesus was standing on the shore; but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.
Jesus said to them, "Children, have you caught anything to eat?" They answered him, "No."
So he said to them, "Cast the net over the right side of the boat and you will find something." So they cast it, and were not able to pull it in because of the number of fish.
**

Father, who I know from the rich spoil of Jesus:
So often I let someone knock the wind out of my sails,
more often, I simply forget to breathe,
in and out, in and out.
Let me catch Your breaths!
How are they numbered?
what is the count?
Please let me inhale and exhale in sync with your perfect number.
Amen
K

Lent 2009: Day 40

Lenten Journey through the Spiritual Alphabet
Psalm 119, Sustainable Love
(Palm Sunday - beginning of Holy Week)

Resh (part 2)
Though my persecutors and foes are many
I do not turn from your decrees.
I view the faithless with loathing,
because they do not heed your promise.
See how I love your precepts, LORD;
in your kindness give me life.
Your every word is enduring;
all your just edicts are forever.

*****
On the evening of that first day of the week, when the doors were locked, where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood in their midst and said to them, "Peace be with you."
When he had said this, he showed them his hands and his side. The disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.

(Jesus) said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you."
And when he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the holy Spirit.
Whose sins you forgive are forgiven them, and whose sins you retain are retained."

(Excerpt John 20)
***

Dear Father who sent us divine Peace through Jesus:
I see Your Edicts working in me,
when I have been in a difficult situation
and only feel intense Love.

I don’t try to forgive it just happens.
I don’t try to Love, it just happens

Help me-forgiving-myself just happen too…
Actually…help me let go of myself –
I want to give it to You
in exchange for complete reception of Your Spirit.

I suppose I need to let it just happen.

Help me have this prescience within my daily panorama
within every breath of my existence.
Amen
K

Lent 2009: Day 39

Lenten Journey through the Spiritual Alphabet
Psalm 119, Sustainable Love

Resh
Look at my affliction and rescue me,
for I have not forgotten your teaching.
Take up my cause and redeem me;
for the sake of your promise give me life.
Salvation is far from sinners
because they do not cherish your laws.
Your compassion is great, O LORD;
in accord with your edicts give me life.
*****
……..But Mary stayed outside the tomb weeping. And as she wept, she bent over into the tomb and saw two angels in white sitting there, one at the head and one at the feet where the body of Jesus had been.
And they said to her, "Woman, why are you weeping?" She said to them, "They have taken my Lord, and I don't know where they laid him."

When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus there, but did not know it was Jesus. …
(excerpt John 20)
***
Heavenly Father whose Edict is Love
Thank you for Mary of Magdala
she is a friend of my saint Veronica.

Mm friend heard me crying
and supported me with your Voice.

Sometimes my heart gets twisted out of shape
and to protect it, I don’t let it listen like it could.
Now, it is hearing the things I started to forget
Its shape is returning,
turning around to greet You in me.

Thank you for the gift of angels:
the gift of patient friends, teachers, pastors;
the gift of your Word flowing through them
to us.

Lent 2009: Day 38

A Lenten Journey Through the Spiritual Alpahbet
Psalm 119

Qoph (Part 2)

Hear my voice in your love, O LORD;
by your edict give me life.
Malicious persecutors draw near me;
they are far from your teaching.
You are near, O LORD;
reliable are all your commands.
Long have I known from your decrees
that you have established them forever. *****

Joseph of Arimathea, secretly a disciple of Jesus for fear of the Jews, asked Pilate if he could remove the body of Jesus. And Pilate permitted it. So he came and took his body.

Nicodemus, the one who had first come to him at night, also came bringing a mixture of myrrh and aloes weighing about one hundred pounds.

They took the body of Jesus and bound it with burial cloths along with the spices, according to the Jewish burial custom.

Now in the place where he had been crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had yet been buried.

So they laid Jesus there because of the Jewish preparation day; for the tomb was close by.
(excerpt John 19)
***
O Papa-me-fella,
A friend I need,
A friend of body-of-Christ with me
Fear of dark not allowed,
(fear of everything else expected and understood,
we can hold each other’s hands)
Secretly at night whatever it be,
Ritual and tradition transform when free

Lent 2009: Day 37

Lenten Journey through the Spiritual Alphabet
Psalm 119, Sustainable Love

Qoph
I call with all my heart, O LORD;
answer me that I may observe your laws.
I call to you to save me
that I may keep your decrees.
I rise before dawn and cry out;
I put my hope in your words.
My eyes greet the night watches
as I meditate on your promise.
*****
So Pilate said to him, "Do you not speak to me? Do you not know that I have power to release you and I have power to crucify you?"

Jesus answered (him), "You would have no power over me if it had not been given to you from above. For this reason the one who handed me over to you has the greater sin."
(excerpt John 19)
***

Dear Heavenly Father, whom we know in the name of Jesus,

Hear me please,
and let me look a little with your eyes.

My sight will have to be brightened.
Then, I can glimpse infinity in the face of my brothers and sisters,
then, I can glimpse infinity in the face of my self.

My self could be darkened-dark by all that bright,
but then,
I would truly become lovely, ever so divine.

Amen,
Love
Keren

Lent 2009: Day 36

A Lenten Journey through the Spiritual Alphabet
Psalm 119

Sadhe (part 2)
Though belittled and despised,
I do not forget your precepts.
Your justice is forever right,
your teaching forever true.
Though distress and anguish come upon me,
your commands are my delight.
Your decrees are forever just;
give me discernment that I may live
***
Then the maid who was the gatekeeper said to Peter, "You are not one of this man's disciples, are you?" He said, "I am not."
The slaves and the guards were standing around a charcoal fire that they had made, because it was cold, and were warming themselves. Peter was also standing there keeping warm.

The high priest questioned Jesus about his disciples and about his doctrine. ……Jesus answered him, "If I have spoken wrongly, testify to the wrong; but if I have spoken rightly, why do you strike me?" ….Then Annas sent him bound to Caiaphas 11 the high priest.

Now Simon Peter was standing there keeping warm. And they said to him, "You are not one of his disciples, are you?" He denied it and said, "I am not."
.... a relative of the one whose ear Peter had cut off, said, "Didn't I see you in the garden with him?"
Again Peter denied it.
(excerpts John 18)
***

I can only imagine that Peter beat himself up for this over and over again until his, and our, redemption by the risen Christ.

Peter later wrote to persecuted Christians, “For what credit is it if, when you are beaten for your faults, you take it patiently? But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God” (1 Peter 2:20).

K...It is one thing if you are “beat-up” (hurt) because of your bad/wrong doings and go ahead and take it like a man.

However, to be "hurt" because of your good/right doings and take it, you are taking it like Jesus.

It is not only commendable to God, it is a sign of God working inside you.

and in that regard (when hurt for doing good) - it is not your “imperfection” that is being hurt by the person doing the hurting,
it is the "hurter's" lack of belief in the totality of God’s perfection/love that he or she is trying to beat up.

hmmmm...huh?

I suppose the heart of the matter, is that God forgives us, through the redemptive act of Jesus's life death and resurrection we are forgiven...

...when we can forgive ourselves and others, as opposed to beating up, we are letting God's ways work through with and in us.

----
Lenten journey ponderings and wanderings
:o)