I gotta be me! Or do I?

God has given me some very clear instructions lately. I have interpreted these instructions primarily through my physical circumstances but also through mmy lovely ISDs (Indirect-Spiritual-Directors.)

First instruction....“practice anonymity”.

Due to physical (financial) circumstances I started taking public transportation to and from work most days. The Bus, not The Train. Somehow it seems The Train implies more glamour. The Bus implies lack of glamour for sure.

The first couple of days I surprised myself with feeling extremely self-conscious waiting for the bus to take me home…in broad daylight…at a major intersection in an affluent part of town. I thought everyone was looking at me and thinking I was one of the really poor miserable people I was standing with; probably shaking their heads in pitiful disgust at my very appearance.

I even moved down the street to another stop, only to find myself standing there waiting for the bus amid several fine outdoor-patio-establishments with fine people casually reclining, sipping cocktails, leisurely munching on their happy hour snacks.

Hopefully no one I know will see me.
This surprised me because I truly thought I was above caring what people think of me…apparently not.

But it gets worse…fast forward a few days and I realized…No one is looking at me at all.
No one even really sees “me”. It is like being dead. Gone. Your existence is not even noticed. I am simply one being in a mass of other beings waiting for something out of my control that I am totally dependent on to deliver me to where I need to be.

Don’t you love it?

Now, I love taking the bus, I like seeing and being with the people, I like just sitting there zoning out while somewhere else as somebody else drives....or reading or listening to my cd’s (yes I am a dinosaur)…I like getting the little walk in the morning and in the evening. It takes a little longer to get where I am going, but in reality it has given me a little more time of my very own.

Today I heard price of gas is going down significantly so my circumstances may not be forcing me to take the bus after all. So I will have to choose The way of the Bus or my old way of driving myself.

Cute work God, cute.
Peace
Keren
PS. Choices are made one day/one moment at a time. If you see me driving today it is only because I have a work assignment north of town most of the day today (thanks L!)