My sin is I want to feel special

At the cusp of turning 50, I have peace but not harmony and I am best at harmony so why don't I have it?

“You are not as good as you think you are” “You must suffer to grow”, “you must accept the moment” “You must not believe yourself to be God”

I am poor; I have made so many mistakes that I am humbled every time I take a breath; I have been rejected; I have been ignored; I have been accepted only to then be exiled; I forgive to a fault; I turn the other cheek until my heart is pulp; I admit I am not perfect; I have committed every sin on the list; I have never been in the right place at the right time according to other’s expectations of success or growth. I am fearful when I do things to stretch and grow my limits. I shout pout and cry and call people @$#@##%#.

“Jesus did not need affirmation” “Jesus was consistently confident” “Jesus walked in peace” "A wise heart does not know fear"

I dont agree with all of that, but I agree I am not God, nor am I Jesus. I consider myself more of His Spirit....is that ok?

Happy,
Keren