I received this message from a MySpace friend, and am putting it out here for input from you all. Trish needs to bring ideas to class on Tuesday, so we must muse quickly! :)
Hi Anne!How are you? I have been thinking more about TLIO again and was hoping to sort of start a dialogue with you about it. I am curious if there were ever any Be love groups that were started? I am kind of interested in starting one.In one of my Psychology classes, we were given a kind of funny assignment. The prof came in and wanted to talk about the NIU shootings. She wanted us to discuss why we thought incidents of violence like this happen at such a greater frequency in the U.S. and how we could change things. She didn't really let us discuss that much. lol! She basically came out and said her belief is that it is because Americans are selfish and lazy.
She went on to say that she felt love is the anwer. She believes we need to give others a real reflection of who they are and also to not be so selfish with our time. Our assignment is to come up with how we can be less selfish and lazy and we are to discuss it at the next class.Anyway, as I was thinking about an answer to this, I found myself thinking about the Be love circles again. I kind of agree with some of what my prof had to say. I honestly believe people need other people to reflect divine love, be genuinely present and listen while they are in their company, be available to them in times of need, and love them as they are rather than treaty love as a commodity. I don't think it is just something that people need to recieve though. The act of loving others in this way changes people too. I am technically majoring in both recreation and psychology. I seem to focus on community building in both.
I was thinking that I could suggest this idea of a Be love circle when I present my "how to be less selfish and lazy" assignment. I don't know if anyone else in the class would be interested, but this might be a good time to suggest it.I love the idea of an inclusive community that commits to loving each other. I am not sure how to start it or if I will even attempt it. Just wanted to chat with you some about it, if you get a moment.
Thanks!Trish
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8 comments:
I think we are going to see more and more of this type of thing from young people as long as our society accepts having pills throw at them for every problem that probably more hugs and spending one one/one, face to face time with them could solve.
Everybody, each and every one of us, needs to feel loved. Those of us that do feel loved need to step up to the responsibility of sharing it with others. We are going to have to take responsibility for being the Love in all situations. Rise above our egos.
Be radically inclusive not exclusive.
People in the “in circle” need to realize how very painful it is to be rejected, to have people look away from you, avert their eyes, avoid contact, turn the other way when they see you. You can’t be a “Love Circle” person without caring for all the sheep, not just the wealthy, attractive, apple polishers who say only what you want to hear.
It is not as easy as it sounds particularly since we are trained to be afraid of being “taken”. You can’t give anything (time, talent or treasure) if you are afraid of not having enough for yourself. You can’t give love, if you don’t really have it within you. You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. If you have lots and lots of self protective boundaries, it is probably not going to be very easy for you to be Love to more than just a few people hand-picked by you.
Sermon over….here are some initial thoughts on developing a Love Circle.
Have a place to meet
Maybe someplace on a college campus, maybe a meeting room at a church. Once a week, every other week, once a month whatever. Have a topic to discuss or speaker come in. Maybe have some drawing classes or creativity classes. I think people are happiest when they spend some time creating. Also like suggested on this site, maybe have an outreach project, or group together to walk in walk-a-thons for Alzheimers or something. Commit to being there even if no one shows up. Put up flyers, announcements in church bulletins, etc. Invite EVERYONE!
Maybe dont even have meeting, just have Love Cicles that attend events together, charity, sporting, whatever, as long as you invite everyone to go with you. via flyers etc.
Note: All that said in my sermon, we do have to be realistic about security issues particularly with college students/young people. Have a Plan B in other words.
A number to call
Perhaps a dedicated cell phone that members of the Love Circle take turns taking home one evening a week or something and answering. The problem I have with this is I am not a counselor. I have gotten into conversations with people in real need for professional counseling instead of just a good listener, and realize I am way over my head.
So I think it is important for Love Circles to have referrals for help.
Places, people agencies to refer people to when they don’t know where to turn,
For example.
1) Suicide hotline,
2) St Vincent de Paul
provides financial assistance for emergency needs and referrals to appropriate agencies. Salvation Army
provides all sorts of help for desperate souls. We need to become familiar with what they offer.
3) Stephen Ministry
locations (many churches offer Stephen Ministry training – a Stephen Minister is a compassionate listener and an empathetic friend who provides supportive presence to an individual in a time of personal difficulty. People who are cared for find hope, healing and a new self-worth through the support given) to become a Stephen Minister you have to go through a training program. Perhaps “love circle” members can be encouraged to take this training.
4) Gabriel Angels or other ministries that help women facing crisis pregnancies.
5) Grief counseling, etc.
Etc etc etc.
Anne and/or trisha if you want to call me I'd love to hash out some thoughts.
Anne has my phone number.
Peace
Keren
Keren, you have some great ideas here for Trish. I haven't come up with anything original to what you've said - if I do, I'll pop back in here and leave a comment. Thanks so much for describing what a Be Love circle might look like.
I would think college campuses would be a great place to organize Love Circles. Grass roots movements fit well with colleges / young passionate people.
Next week (I'll try t Monday) I will call around some and just see what I find out. Maybe some of the more ecumenical churches would be willing to host Love circle meetings, and distrubute info on events or whatever. Just talking to one person, then helps you know what questions to ask the next person.
Its been so long since I have been on a college campus, Im not sure who to ask. I suppose if there is an office of student groups/events or something, whoever you would contact about using a meeting room or whatever for a Love Circle meeting. then maybe post on bulletin boards, etc, just say it is a new initiative to create an inclusive community where Love is the focus. Your first meetings could be on deciding what the mission/activities of the group would be.
IMHO I would advise staying away from anything to do with politics. It seems to instantly put people in categories Democrats or Republican. Instant division into us vs. them. IMHO Fight those battles elsewhere. Use the Love circle for just Love.
Peace
Keren
I just want to add one more thing. If we say we are a totally inclusive group, we have to reach out and include everyone - the outsiders and the insiders. The marginal and the ones within the margins. The rich and the poor. the beautiful and the ugly. The bad and the good. Im sure you get my drift. Non-judgement is difficult without Grace. Understanding/Compassion/Empathy with regard to absolutely each and everybody without judgement is imperative and full of Grace.
Peace
Keren
Thanks for all the feedback!
I am curious about more ideas on how to make it completely inclusive. Grace is a good start, but do you teach others about Grace? How do you help the group as a whole to value inclusiveness?
I was thinking earlier about the youth group I was involved in as a teen. In my junior high years, I hated it. I felt completely alone when I went to activities. There was a group of high school students that seemed well loved by everyone. Their popularity was not even just with students. It was just as visible with the adult leaders. In fact, it seemed the only way to make things at least ok was to bring your own friends and just create your own clique. However, even my friends hated it because they felt we were so ignored. Then in high school, I was involved in leadership. I loved going to youth group. I felt soo loved there. I would walk in and I knew the singer for our band so he would yell out my name, people would run up to meet me, I had friends fight over sitting by me, and even the adult leaders adored me. I thought this youth group had changed so much and was so welcoming until one day when I noticed a junior high school student wandering around looking lost. She didn't seem to have anyone to talk to. That night I made a point of staying back and kind of watching what went on. Sadly, the dynamics had not changed. I was just older and more popular so I felt loved. There were still plenty of students that were completely ignored. No one would have missed them if they didn't come and it seemed no one even noticed they were there.
So I am curious for more feedback on creating a group where no one is left out. Awareness that it can happen anywhere and a desire to not have that as part of the group are probably a good start, but it seems more is needed?
I am leaning toward keep this out of the school clubs/orgs too. I don't want it to be something that is only for students. Anyone in this particular city would be welcome as far as I am concerned. I would imagine it will attract more students, but I my preference is that it be open to everyone (some of that is personal since I will be graduating soon as well).
Trish, I'm glad to see you here! It was sad reading about your experience in your youth group growing up, and how you saw that played out with other younger ones.
Maybe there's something in the way that our Community Groups are structured that may help. We purposely keep them small - like 12-15 people. When one group starts growing larger than we have apprentices who train with a group leader to facilitate their own group. People are welcome to explore and sample various groups, but once people are settled in we have a 12-week covenant that we're invited to sign. One of the "rules" is that everyone's voice is heard and no one monopolizes conversation. We're always seated in a group so it would be hard to exclude someone (not that we'd want to). We practice attentive listening. Our groups are open to all, regardless of age, gender, marital status, faith, or lack thereof. Some other rules we have are: always providing an "open chair" to anyone new who comes, respecting each other, confidentiality within the group, and serving others outside our group. There are a few more that escape me right now. I hope this helps!
Trish, that is the conundrum about Grace, you cant teach it or force it. You can only bear it (carry it within) and bring it to situations.
Maybe for your report on Tuesday, you can describe what you have already done...begining the Process of developing an idea to create an inclusive community devoted to Love. AS we are finding out here, It is not easy... however... we dont have to have all the answers. Put it out to your class and see what comes back, ask for feedback - I bet people will have some ideas.
Report back at the end of the semester.
Change doesnt happen over night.
It is apparent feeling left out is a part of life. I feel it at church and at work. Sometimes I just have to accept that I dont have the money to participate in the things at church I would like to. Like the trips to Italy or Lourdes, or special classes that cost over $100. The people who do have the money to attend these things form special groups after the actual event which creates more separation.
At work, I am older than most of the people and dont do the things they do, like go to happyhour or parties or kickball. So I dont get included in any of that. I accept it. No biggie.
Like you, when I see someone hanging back seeming on the edges I try to make an effort to at least say hello and ask their name. Some people like being left alone too. Im actually much more of a recluse than a joiner.
However, what I would like to see if it is even something people are interested in the concept. "Love Circles"
Reminds me of Crop Circles :o) maybe Love Circles will just start appearing in communities all over the world.
:o) I little idealism doesnt hurt does it?
Peace
Keren
Another thought Trish!
Duh!
Talk about this. www.TurnLoveInsideOut.com
We already are a community focused on bringing Love to the world. We have a website, we have a blog, we have a place to "tell your own story" we have lists of service organization - Anne I may want to add some to it. We are promoting the idea of Love Circles even though we dont really have it all figured out!
We already are an inclusive community committed to loving eachother. We even have tee shirts. Turn Love Inside Out.
I can fed ex you mine on Monday so you can wear on Tues if you want!
Just a thought!
Peace
Keren
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