The Tango Lesson

Three weeks ago I'd never heard of the word "milonga." It is "a term for a place or an event where tango is danced." And that's where I went on the second Friday of last December, to satisfy my curiosity about a dance that's been the subject of quite a few films. Instead of remaining a passive movie viewer, I decided to go and see what all the fuss was about in real life.

Amazing! All ages, races, and skill levels were represented. There was an ease, a familiarity, a lack of self-consciousness among the dancers that created a welcoming environment. People danced with many different partners. People took turns leading and following. Men danced with men, women with women, practicing their steps. The dances were constantly flowing and fresh, each one resulting from the improvisation of each duo. Only one constant was upheld: in each and every pair of dancers, there was a leader and a follower.

At the introductory lesson I learned that an important part of being a good follower was applying firm pressure to my points of physical contact with the leader. This pushing-back form of resistance created a dynamic tension that allowed both the leader and me to sense where the dance was going, and how best to follow the leader's movement. I also noticed something else: when I was with a beginning dancer my steps were halting and unsure. When I was in the hands of a talented and experienced leader, I felt like Ginger Rogers....

On a local tango community website expounding on the joys and benefits of tango, there's a link to a page titled "Why?" And the one-sentence answer on that page is "Because you will learn a lot about yourself." Indeed.... that evening was a real eye-opener for me, and as I continue to attend milongas I'm still responding to this new form of self-discovery with my own set of why's.

Why is it so damn hard sometimes to feel God's Love, God's Lead? For crying out loud, I've actually *been there,* in the miraculous flow of Being Love, and *still* I continue to question and fall short and doubt this reality. Why do I make it so hard to trust in the fabulous form and skill of the ultimate Dance Partner?

I'm starting to think that it has to do with my being the right kind of follower. So often I'm going through my life as if I'm running the show, either dancing solo or making sure that others follow my lead, until all my fine efforts get tripped up by the latest soul-shaking crisis, be it big or small. Then I either try to re-assert my leadership, or (more often) turn into a passive mass of sludge in the phony attempt to turn my will over to God. Sh'yeah, right.... "I'm a hopeless failure, God, so now you can take over for me, ok? I can't do anything, and you can do everything, so you do it. Oh, and thanks a lot for taking it all off my hands, I really appreciate it, God."

I'm thinking maybe God prefers dance partners who follow with the right kind of resistance.... just enough pushing back to engage, to ask questions: "Is this how it goes, God? I'm trying to sense where this dance is taking me, and honoring your lead with some fancy footwork of my own so you don't have to drag me around on the floor."

Most of all, I think God wants us to have fun in this dance, to let go of our perfectionism and just feel the rhythm of our lives in keeping with the music, with the messages whispered by Love.

As for me, I started 2008 with a all-night milonga, and am following through with a month of tango lessons two nights a week in January! It's because I'm smiling with wonder whenever I'm not laughing outright with the joy of my experience on the dance floor. The evenings I spend tangoing fly by, which for me is a clear indication that I'm onto something.... and I'm looking forward to wherever this new learning curve takes me.