Several years ago I ran across some articles by a man who had spent his childhood in an orphanage. Richard's stories were heartwrenching; full of abuse, neglect and torment. I wrote and told him how sorry I was for all that he had suffered growing up, and we exchanged email back and forth. Although he was about 70-years-old he told me how long it took for him to learn how to love people, and how disasterous his first and second marriages were. He was happily married for a third time, but said that his wife didn't understand one ritual that he had kept through the years.
Every Christmas he would buy his young boy self a Christmas present. Through counseling Richard had had to travel back and heal the young boy who had been so hurt and abandoned, and a part of the healing he held on to was buying and wrapping a new toy every Christmas for six-year-old "Richie"; something he'd never had growing up. From our exchange of letters I came to know that one thing that Richard had so strongly wished for was a mother who loved and cherished him.
I told him that I wished I could go back in time and be his mother for him. I said how I wished that little Richie would have come through the door after school to a real home, and that I would be there waiting with a smile, a hug, and a warm plate of cookies, anxious to hear all about his day. I told him if I'd been his mother I would have read him stories at bedtime, sung lullabies, tucked him snugly under the blankets, and said a prayer with him. And then I would have kissed him good night and told him I loved him.
Richard wrote back and said that he knew I would have done those things, he knew that I would have been that kind of mother for him. I hope in some small way that I was another little piece of his journey to healing such a broken childhood. I think for a moment together we both rewrote the past and filled it with love.
6 comments:
Anne you have a beautiful and courageous soul and you are filled with Love.
It takes not only Compassion, but a tremendous amount of Courage to nurture someone who is not part of your immediate fold, and to nurture someone who will probably not be able to give you anything back, except… maybe...Love.
Your words struck home in many ways. Abuse has many forms – not just physical, and everyone experiences it at some point, unless they are living in a plastic bubble (which is abuse in itself). People who have experienced any kind of abuse usually continue the pattern and respond by abusing others. Guilty here in some respects.
Some people, like what you just described, are able to take the abuse or misfortune they have experienced and in response, be something beautiful to themselves and others (ie, His giving a gift to his “Richie” in him) and like you being nurturing and encouraging to his Past and his Present self. That is God/Love doing His thing in you both. You are Love in action.
I have said this to and about you before, but I also think it is very important, if not crucial, to recognize when we individually do something in the way of Love, and then tell about it. In my opinion, you have to see it in yourself before you know how to express it to others.
Peace Keren
i can so much relate to this post in two ways. first, having had an abusive childhood myself i also established a "relationship" with little jamie as part of healing and letting go. secondly, i have also been the recepient of God's nurturing love as Anne, and it has ministered deeply to me. in general i have found that Love keeps me in the eternal present as opposed to living in the past where all my hurts and wounds reside. for example, looking to my past i could easily make my identity to be, "Jim, the childhood abuse survivor." in the present i am, "Love and Loved."
Keren, it's hard for me to identify myself as having a courageous and beautiful soul. Not that I don't think all of us have beautiful souls; I do. But I also know that many times my unlovingness rises to the forefront, and it takes a constant awareness of Love's presence within me to be otherwise. You always write such wise and thoughtful things, Keren, and I thank you for doing so again. I think another reason for telling these stories of love is that personal stories resonate deeply with each of us - the common human bond that connects us all.
Jim, I didn't realize that you had established that same kind of relationship with "Jamie" as the man I wrote about did. I've been seeing a counselor who encourages me to write to myself as a young girl, but I have yet to do it. Fear sometimes trumps my love. But I'm also finding, like you, that the more I reside in Love, the more some of those past wounds fade. I guess I've found that one cannot give love without it providing healing for both the receiver and the giver. Thanks to you both for who you are and for sharing your thoughts here.
I think it takes courage to talk about God /Love. I am finding the word Love makes a lot of people uncomfortable - even people who speaks of God as a Loving-Lover God. I think it makes some people uncomfortable because they only really have a grasp of romantic love, or love for family or friends. While it is all of that, as you know, and what this site is all about, Love is oh-so much more.
anne, thank you for posting this... it is beautiful and touches my heart. i love that LOVE resides within you and you so generously give it out to people that come across your path. you are my LOVE hero! i love you... really... i do.
Darla, funny you should say that, because I think of you as MY love hero. Honestly, I do and have since we first met. And I love you so much too!
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