Dark fear comes silently in as smoke under a door,
swirling around me until I smell it and know it.
Today I look at it and say, ¨no.¨
I look at each fear and say, ¨no.¨
I say, ¨no.¨
I depend on Godś love.
I depend on Godś love.
I depend on Godś love.
God´s love as big wind through the window, blows fear away
and keeps blowing.
God´s love sweeping my soul.
swirling around me until I smell it and know it.
Today I look at it and say, ¨no.¨
I look at each fear and say, ¨no.¨
I say, ¨no.¨
I depend on Godś love.
I depend on Godś love.
I depend on Godś love.
God´s love as big wind through the window, blows fear away
and keeps blowing.
God´s love sweeping my soul.
6 comments:
:)
It might be odd to comment on your own post, but it went like this. You see on Friday I was home from work in bed with a cold/flu thing, my kids were at school and my husband was hunting. So I was alone, with nothing to do but ponder.
It was a combination of reading Jimś post on fear, my monthly newsletter from Dan Joseph (which talked about how it is not actual events in our lives that produce emotional consequences, but what we believe about those events), reading the Daily Guidepost, and Kevin´s weekly Presence letter that steered me this direction.
I saw that I was afraid of many things, because I was depending on the wrong things. I was not depending on the great strength and depth and height and width and infinity of God´s love.
Marilyn Ruth ,this is beautiful as everything you do.
This has all been very timely for me. Isnt the Holy Spirit wonderful!
I joined the Lector ministry at the church near my home and began reading during the big Sunday Mass last April. I also read sometimes during daily Mass, much smaller group of people, at my main church, and have recently joined the lector ministry there also.
This has been a wonderful experience for me. All sorts of people tell me they like the way I read, Older people thank me for speaking loud enough, etc.
I get alot of joy from focusing on and proclaiming The Word and to me it is an important responsibility.
Last month, at my main church where I havent read that much, I let an emotional situation get to me right before I went up to the Altar to read. I choked with the first sentence, then panicked. My throat was so tight I could barely squeeze the words out. It was all I could do to keep from crying. In front of 500 people, alot of whom had never heard me read before. I felt totally exposed. I have never felt so small/naked/alone/frightened in my life. It was worse than awful. ACKK!
I have been terrifed of having to get up there again and read, but also knew I simply had to get back on the horse. For the last month, I have been experiencing real panic, stage fright symptoms, just thinking about reading there again.
Last night, was the first time for me to read again at this church, and it went just fine! I was nervous but no where near as nervous as I thought I would be.
I owe it to our recent blogs about fear, on this site and Jim's Divine Nobodies myspace blog.
Ive been praying about surrendering completely to God's will; freeing myself from other's opinions by focusing on Love and forgivenes; and knowing that the strength to do difficult stuff, when it is the right thing to do, is already in me I just have to quit talking to my brain long enough to be able to access it.
I pray about not relying on compliments to motivate me, and when someone says something negative as a part of constructive criticism - looking at myself really close in the mirror to look for the truth in that person's word before delivering it to Jesus.
Stage fright can be very real and debilitating. I read about Barbara Streisand's 28 year absence from live performances, and Donny Osmond, and other famous people who have experienced it.
Tree other things that really helped.
1) Very important: I did my part to make amends with the emotional situation that instigated the bad reading. (too personal to blog about but this took God's strength totally)
2) Jim's friend Donna's comment on his DN blog, about visualizing each breath you take as breathing in God's breath.
Here is how I used it - God opens his mouth and goes haaaaaa and His Breath is everwhere and I inhale it deep to fill me. It is clean and fresh, and when I exhale, my fear/negative particles are carried out by the particles of His breath and then disolve when they meet the air outside my body.
I did this yesterday and I felt my whole body relax. Shoulders softened. I felt oxygenated and energized and calm. It was great (I need to email her and thank her)
3) When it was my turn to walk up to the altar and read, as I took the first step, I whispered "lets go Jesus".
Bottom line to this...
We believe that Love is in absolutely everything - it is there for us always and forever - is ok to dive in and actually use it!
Peace and Love
Keren
Marilyn and Keren, thank you both so much for your beautiful, soulful writings. Sometimes I let myself become sabotaged by fear. I thought that might happen recently when I had to go up on stage at our church gathering with three other people and do a open forum on singleness. Somehow Love trumped fear, I asked Spirit to speak through me and I found myself perfectly calm and articulate. I remember thinking, I am just here to share with all these people I love...and once again, Love did wonders.
This was so beautiful. Now I just have to remember to open up my dirty windows so God can blow through me.
i'm headed to the Abbey of Gethsemani for the week. each time i feel the breeze across my face, i will remember that Love blows away all my fears. or is it that my fears had no basis in Reality, and the breeze awakens me to the real world of Love.
Thank you all for your replies. They carry the healing a step further.
Keren . . . what a wonderful story . . . the Holy Spirit rocks!
love to you all :)
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